Episode #27: Breaking Up With Your Victim Mindset

We’ve all been there, right? Sad, mad, broken-hearted. However, sometimes we get STUCK in that place and refuse to move on from it.

Enter: the Victim Mindset. It’s a tempting place to be because it FEELS real & true. But unfortunately, it’s also robbing you of your true powers.

I have a personal relationship to victim mindset. I was deep in it. I was good at it! I thrived off of it.

But eventually the time came to get over it. So I can tell you with that perspective, that letting go of that mindset was one of the best things I ever did for my mental well-being.

So today we’re getting into it. Find out more about how victim mentality holds you back & get inspired to SHIFT your way out of it in today’s episode!

In This Episode:

Find out what a victim mindset is
Learn why holding onto a victim mindset REMOVES your own power
Get inspired to SHIFT your perspective & get your power back!
Much more!

Listen Here:

Ready to take your healing journey to the next level?

Breaking Up With Your Victim Mindset | Episode #27 Transcript

Hello, gorgeous, and welcome back to the Self-Worth Project podcast. My name is Jenn. I’m a coach, hypnotist, and healer, and I’m here today to help you heal yourself from the inside out so that you can go out there and live the beautiful life of your dreams.

Today, I’m here to talk about victim mentality, which is something that, admittedly, I used to suffer from and perhaps you suffer from it as well. Every time I turn on the TV and watch reality TV, like Real Housewives or something similar, there’s always somebody on there who is suffering from a victim mentality, a victim mindset. This is a common way for people to think and present themselves in the world today. Because it’s so common, we often think it’s normal or that we have to think like this just because we’ve been taught to, perhaps by our parents who also thought like this.

But today, I want to talk about what victim mentality is, why it might be harming you, and give you some tips to help turn that mentality around.

A victim mindset comes from feeling like you’re a victim. This is problematic because, haven’t we all been victimized at some point in our lives? We’ve all had something happen to us that was out of our hands, making us feel helpless, small, angry, sad, or upset. Sometimes these experiences shape the way we think about ourselves and how we move through life. It is extremely common for an emotionally traumatic experience to give us a story about who we are and to develop a defensive behavior based on that belief.

This is where the victim mindset comes into play. Something happened to you that you did not deserve, did not expect, that was shocking and painful. This might have been caused by someone else, maybe a parent, maybe a partner who dumped you. Whatever the case, the situation often involves another person. The experience was real and valid; your feelings and emotional pain are very valid.

This is the part where things get twisted. When I talk about letting go of your victim mindset, people often think that means they have to rewrite the past and pretend they weren’t a victim. That is not what we’re saying here at all. However, when we think this is just how things are, that we’ll always be treated this way, and we can’t move on, the experience becomes part of our identity and an excuse for why we can’t do or have something. This is when you know you have a victim mindset.

So, this isn’t really about the core experience or what happened back then. These experiences are real and valid, but we always have a choice. We can choose to learn from the experience and grow, leave it in the past, and move on, or we can choose to let it define us and color our view of the world forever.

I have a friend who had a breakup 20 years ago and still holds onto the pain, resentment, and bitterness from that relationship. This looks very unhealthy from my perspective. Similarly, I had a big breakup, my divorce, which I’ve spoken about many times. I held onto that pain and let it define me for a long time. I felt like I had to share it with everyone, talk about it constantly. But at a certain point, I didn’t want to do that anymore. Friends here in Berlin are shocked to learn I was married because I never talk about it anymore. I don’t think bringing that story up benefits me.

Of course, it comes up sometimes in conversations about past relationships or breakups. I’m not hiding it, but there’s a difference between mentioning it and making it part of my identity. I refuse to let that experience define me. Instead, I used it to fuel me, to propel me forward, and help me live the life I want, which is the life I’m living now.

This is the difference between two kinds of mentalities. We get stuck in a story, an experience, an identity. We carry forward these coping mechanisms and strategies and become bitter. We can’t enter a new relationship without bringing up the old one, can’t meet new people without telling them what happened, and can’t be who we are without that experience. It becomes a crutch, an excuse. Anything that goes wrong can be blamed on that past experience, giving that person or event so much power over our lives.

When you say, “This person did this to me and I can never get over it,” you are giving away your power. We can’t go back in time to change the past, and the person who hurt you is unlikely to fully understand the impact of their actions. They are too wrapped up in their own story. The things they did were probably more about them than you. But by holding onto this narrative, you give them power.

If you decide this experience is bigger than you, defining you forever, there’s nothing you can do to fix that. But if you shift your perspective, you can think, “This happened, it was terrible, I didn’t deserve it. What did I learn? How did I grow? How much stronger am I now?”

This powerful question led me to quit my job, sell my apartment, and move to Europe. I’ve been there, and I know it’s more powerful to get on the other side of that story. Nothing that happens to you has to take that much power, magic, or happiness away. If you feel it does, ask yourself why.

Sometimes we feel more comfortable blaming one person or situation for everything wrong in our lives because it allows us to feel good about ourselves without taking accountability or changing anything. But that only blinds us to the truth and gives away our power.

If you’re currently in the middle of a traumatic experience, this might not be the episode for you. Learning to escape a victim mentality takes time. You need to feel your feelings and let them sit for a while. But eventually, it’s time to let go, stop leading with that story, and not let one experience dictate who you are.

You might have felt small, unloved, or hurt by words or actions. The worst thing is creating a story that prevents you from trusting anyone or achieving your dreams. You are better and stronger now. You have grown and changed. You have more power now than before.

I’m not saying everything happens for a reason or you should be thankful for your pain, but you can learn from it. The possibilities for your life are still endless. Don’t let one bad experience define your entire life.

This is my rant about victim mindset. I hope you found something intriguing and growth-inspiring. I will see you back here for next week’s episode. Have an amazing week!