Episode #37: Hotness Is A State Of Mind

While I’m not having a Brat summer, I have definitely been inspired by that idea. This got me thinking about hotness and confidence.

I firmly believe being hot is a state of mind–not a physical trait. So today we’re diving into that and I’m giving you my BEST tips for feeling HOT AF!

In This Episode:

Find out why hotness has nothing to do with how you actually look
Get inspired to look your best and truly OWN it
My best tips for “invisible” hotness
Much more!

Listen Here:

Hotness Is A State Of Mind | Episode #37 Transcript

Hello, Gorgeous. Welcome back to another episode of the Self Worth Project podcast. It’s your
girl Jenn. I’m a coach and healer and I’m so excited to be here again with you today.
This podcast is designed to help you connect with your authentic self. The one that’s buried
underneath the layers of pain, shame and programming that are keeping you small. Let’s ditch
the unhealthy patterns so that we can create the life we really want without apology. Just
like everyone else in the world, it seems I have become addicted to brought Charlie XC X’s
new album. If you have never listened to Charlie XC X ever in your life, don’t worry. This
episode is not about that, but it was the inspiration for what I wanted to speak about
today. This album brought is out in the summertime, obviously, and has inspired everybody
to “have a brought summer.” I’m not really having a brought summer, to be honest, a brought
party girl kind of summer, that kind of vibe, that’s not really who I am. It got me thinking
about summer vibes and leaning into feeling good, leaning into pleasure, leaning into enjoying
yourself and just enjoying your life. Maybe you’re not doing that Charlie XC X style with all
of that entails, but perhaps you’re doing it in your own way. I really thought that the
idea of hotness goes hand in hand with the idea of “brat,” because I don’t think you can
be brought without being hot. I’ve spoken about the concept of hotness before, and it might
seem like a little bit of a weird thing for me to be chatting about since this podcast
is mostly about mental health, self-healing, and building up your self-worth. But trust me,
feeling hot is a big part of the equation, and it is something I think sometimes we don’t
let ourselves think about because isn’t it shallow to work on your hotness or to think
that you’re hot or to put any amount of effort into the way you look, which I obviously,
I don’t agree with any of that, but those are some of the stereotypes you might have in
your mind that society has told you about the way you look and about the way you feel.
So today we’re going to dive into a little bit of that, and I’m going to give you some tips
on how to create hotness in your life or the feeling of being hot inside of your mind.
So this is a relevant episode for you, by the way, if you are 21 or if you are 65, because
the first lesson that I want to give you today is that hotness doesn’t have boundaries.
So what do I mean by that? That means that the things that you probably associate with
being stereotypically hot are not actually what makes somebody hot. When you think about
somebody being attractive in the world, you have probably been sold this very narrow vision
of what that is, right? So we think about supermodels. Tall, skinny, classically pretty, that kind
of vibe. Because we idolize these people so much, there might be a part of your mind
that things that because you do not fit in that same mold that you cannot be that attractive.
However, a supermodel is only one beauty standard, which was created for the fashion industry.
These people are basically picked because clothing looks good on them, but I don’t think that
that is the only way to be hot in the world. And I’m sure you can think of many people who
are not supermodels who you think are hot. Hotness is not about how much you weigh. It’s
not about what size you are. It’s not about your hair color. It is not about your skin color.
It is not about your age. Hotness defies all categories and there is room for hotness
in every single area. The most important thing and the reason why making this episode today
is because I really do believe hotness is a mindset. When you decide your hot or when you just
feel like you’re hot, like maybe you’re not consciously thinking that, but you have this
knowing inside of you, that is the hottest thing in the world. Again, I’m sure you can think
of some people out there who may not be the most attractive people in the world, but they
are the hot ones to you, right? I always say that this is my problem with online dating,
because when I look at a photo of somebody, I just, I cannot get a read on them as a person.
I’m like, looking at their photo really doesn’t tell me anything. And it makes me look at
the wrong things in a person because I can tell you that some of my exes in the past,
if I would have seen a photo of them, I would not have been into them at all, but I found
them very hot in real life. Their energy was hot. The way they presented themselves was
hot. So this is why I really want to get this clear. It is not about being photogenic.
It’s not about looking a certain way. There is something else. Hotness comes from somewhere
else, which is exactly why we need to talk about the mindset of hotness, because if you
want to create that hotness, I’m here to tell you that you can. So now that you understand
that hot really doesn’t have parameters, physical parameters, it doesn’t have limits,
like we have been taught to think it does, the next thing that I want to teach you today
is that there are different flavors of hot. I think another area where we get hung up
is that we think because we look a certain way and someone else looks completely different
to us, that the way that we look is not as good. So for example, when I was young, when I
was growing up, when I was a teenager, the basic standard for beauty at the time was a Pamela
Anderson type, who was super skinny giant boobs, blonde hair, which is obviously the complete
opposite of how I look. The way that I look today is a lot more acceptable because of the
Kardashians and J-Lo and all of these people. But back then, it was not really part of
the typical beauty standard. So back then, I just felt like an oddball, you know, like I
didn’t really fit in to the typical beauty standards. But what we have learned over time
and having collectively embraced all these other beauty standards is that there are different
types of beauty. There are still people out there. I’m sure that I analyze that super skinny,
big, boob blonde look. Like I think that’s like, you know, kind of a classic playboy description
at this point. And that works for some people. And I’m not like, I’m not saying this with
any sarcasm at all. I’m like, night judging this at all. Okay. So however you look is great.
But what I want you to know is that the way that you look just because someone prefers a different
way, that doesn’t mean that your look is less, right? It’s like you are a piece of chocolate
cake and the other person is a piece of lemon cake or vice versa. But if you’re at a buffet,
someone is at a buffet, there is going to be some people who like the chocolate cake and
there’s going to be some people who like the lemon cake. And neither of these cakes can
be defined as being superior, right? We all like to think that there’s one objective reality
that we can all agree on the one most beautiful person in the world. But that is just not the
way it works. So instead of getting upset that there are other people in the world who are
attractive that don’t look anything like you. I want you to start getting excited about
being your flavor. So you are a piece of chocolate cake. That person over there is a piece
of lemon cake. But you are not going to try to be a lemon cake. You are going to be the
best chocolate cake in the world. And if you see someone else going for the lemon cake,
you are not going to use that as evidence against yourself that there’s something wrong
with being chocolate cake. No, what you were going to do is just understand that there
will be people who are into chocolate cake that are going to come around and choose you.
Not that I think dating should be about choosing. That’s a side note. There’s not one flavor
that everyone in the world is going to like. So instead of getting jealous or upset or
trying to change your flavor, I want you to get really excited about being your best.
So that is the third point that I want to make today. I said that there’s no standard
for hotness. There’s no one beauty standard. There’s no one way to look good. But what hot
people have in common is that they do take care of themselves. And this is maybe another
place where people can get a little bit twisted. So I feel like people fall into a couple
of camps here. Like we start to think that we have to absolutely present ourselves, put
on makeup, do that. We do everything in order to be attractive. And that is not necessarily
true. Although it helps, right? Like it helps to have pride in your appearance. It helps
to take care of yourself. And on the flip side of that, we have some people that probably
think that if you are spending too much time, the thinking about how you look, that you’re
going to come across as a bimbo or an airhead or as somebody who is not very intellectual.
So what I want to do here is just to underlie the importance of taking care of yourself
in general. So I’m leaving a very big definition here because of course, this is going to be
different for everybody. But I like to approach the subject as coming from a place of
care. You care about who you are and you care about your presence in the world enough to
pay attention to it. There’s going to be different levels for every person. Like there’s
going to be the people that go out and get lots of treatments and Botox and the whole thing.
And there’s going to be the people that don’t do that and don’t wear makeup and still put
pride into the way they look. So again, this isn’t about doing certain things. It’s not
about going to the gym, a certain amount. It’s not about any of that. But it is about
thinking about who you are and projecting that into the world in a confident way. It’s
understanding that you have been given this physical vessel. You are only here for a short
period of time. And you know what, adorning yourself, taking care of yourself, showing
up as your best. That is a really wonderful thing to do that will not only make you feel
better and more like your most authentic, powerful self, but it’s going to show the world
that I value myself. I take care of myself. I put effort into my parents. I think we have
all had that experience about having a friend or maybe a dating partner who always dressed
up. And at first, maybe you were like, Oh my God, they’re so dressed up like what’s going
on. But then eventually you found yourself also inspired to dress up just like them. Not
that you were trying to win a competition or anything like that, but you see somebody
doing it and you’re like, wow, they look so great. So maybe I could do the same thing and
I could look great. It’s not like we’re trying to outshine them. It’s not like we’re trying
to be competitive, but they have expanded a vision of for you of how you can show up in
the world. And they have inspired you to rise to the occasion. Okay. So this is a really
cool magic trick. I honestly believe taking care of yourself the way you show up in the
world is a form of magic. I have a whole program about this inside my healed program is called
Manifest with your wardrobe and your appearance. And it’s really powerful. And I think if you
have never done any work on that, I really invite you to come over and check out this program
because this is a really simple, tangible place to start. And you can start to very easily
step into being that person who you really want to be just by playing around with how you
look. Finally, I want to talk about the intangibles of hotness. So there’s a couple things that
I want to talk about here, but hotness understands itself. It isn’t bragging. It isn’t showing off.
It isn’t trying to one up anybody, but it understands itself. It is this nice inner confidence.
That is truly the hottest vibe in the room in any room anywhere in the world. At the end
of the day, even though we are hyper linked to each other, we have our phones on at all times,
we are still animals underneath the surface. And we respond like animals, even though we
don’t admit it to ourselves. That means the person that walks in the room, they’re hunched
over, they’re looking at the ground, they’re not making eye contact with anyone. You might
not be thinking consciously, oh my gosh, that person is shy. Oh my gosh, that person has
low self worth. But some part of your brain is registering that. And for most people,
that is not an attractive thing. Like we don’t see somebody who looks down and uncomfortable.
And we don’t want to go interact with that. We don’t want to engage with that. Part of
the reason why is because we have mirror neurons. Mirror neurons are the neurons in your brain
that automatically mimic the things that you see in front of you. So when you see a happy
confident person in front of you, part of your brain lights up just like a happy confident
person because those are your mirror neurons springing into effect. And unfortunately, the
same thing happens for the person who is feeling down low confident, low worth. I’m not telling
you that you need to stay at home and lock yourself away if you are having an off day or feeling
badly about yourself. But in general, it’s good to remember that your energy is contagious.
People can feel it. They might not be able to consciously pick up on it, but they are definitely
picking up on it. And when you’re dragging that sad sack of energy with you, then don’t
be surprised if people are not going to engage or laugh or come over to talk to you. People
will be way more likely to talk to you when you’re in that happy confident state. It’s
not needy. It’s not going over the top, but you’re looking happy. You are looking comfortable.
Because you are comfortable, people will be just attracted to that energy because again,
is their mirror neurons picking up on that. And when you look comfortable, they will feel comfortable.
If they’re interacting with you part of their brain will just register that register
what you’re feeling. So energy in general is a huge part of hotness. And of course, raising
yourself worth is not a one day project. It is something that you need to work on and
come back to over and over again. And I’m still doing this in my own journey. So I’m sure
you are too. But what I really want to underline here is the fact that you can change this.
You do not have to run around feeling less than feeling self conscious, feeling really
socially anxious. There are tools and resources that you can have that will make this process
better. Finally, I want to talk about posture and language. So body posture is a huge thing.
We kind of touched on this as part of the way we read energy, but you standing up straight
with your shoulders back, your chin parallel to the floor, looking at people in the eye,
like you don’t have to stare them down and be creepy, but not being afraid to make eye contact
with people. That will go a long way to displaying that you are a happy, confident, hot person.
Right? Again, we’re not going to be attracted to the person who’s slouching or who looks
like they want to run straight out of the room, right? We are attracted subconsciously to
the confident people. So you need to start to work on that confident posture. Last year,
I really hurt my shoulder. When I had COVID, I laid in bed too long, basically with my weighted
blanket. And I gave myself a burstitis in my left shoulder, which is really painful.
And it took months and months to get over. In fact, there’s still a little bit of work there
that I need to do, but it is for the most part, it’s been healed. But during this healing
process, I found myself many times checking in with my posture, not only when I’m at home,
well at home, actually, I probably don’t check in enough. I probably slouch way too much,
but like when I’m out in public, when I’m walking around, I would find my shoulder was just
naturally slumping forward. And I would have to make a conscious effort to pull that one
shoulder back into alignment. And it’s gotten to the point now where pretty much, I feel
like they’re pretty much even, although if I went to a physiotherapist, they probably
would say self work to do. But that really got me thinking all the time during that healing
process, like am I standing up straight? Are my shoulders straight? How can I get into
better posture? One other thing that I started doing for myself during this journey, although
this wasn’t for the burstitis healing, I just got a little bit obsessed with posture in
general. And I really started to wonder what I could do to combat tech neck. So if you guys
haven’t seen this, I really started to notice how many people in the world have tech neck,
like everyone is walking around looking down at their phone and they are starting to create
sort of hunchback effect. And once you notice this in a few people, it will horrify you
or at least it horrified me. So I went online to look up ways to combat this and what I came
up with is doing adult tummy time, which sounds hilarious and it kind of is, but it makes
sense. Basically, you just lay on your stomach and like with your torso up a little bit, so
I still have my laptop there so I can still work and do things while I’m doing this. But just
doing that for 15 minutes a day, it is strengthening my back and making sure, making it way easier
for me to pop into proper posture. So I could probably do a whole episode about posture
because I got so obsessed with it over the last year, but really just start to think about
yours and think about what you can do to adopt proper posture because it really makes such
a big difference. My final tip for hotness is that hotness is sweet and slow. It is not
rushed. It’s not in a hurry. It takes its time. In all honesty, this is something that I continue
to struggle with. I really have to remind myself to take a breath and slow it down, especially
when I’m talking to you on this podcast. I have a very active brain. I literally listen to
my podcast and books on 2X speed. I even watch TikToks on 2X speed, you guys. So my brain is
used to in taking things super, super fast. And I really have to remind myself sometimes
that no one else in the world is going as quickly as my brain. So I need to take a breath.
I need to come back. I need to slow down. So from my perspective, when I start to talk
really, really fast, it’s not because I’m nervous necessarily. I might be maybe a little nervous
subconsciously, but usually I am excited about a topic and I’m trying to share it as fast
as possible because that is just how my brain operates. But I have to say that other people
read speaking quickly most of the time as nervousness and as not being in touch with your
body, not being embodied and definitely not feeling sexy. And I feel like all of those
things are another subconscious reminder of hotness, right? If you are speaking really
fast, looking like you’re uncomfortable talking, like you just want to get that sentence out
so that someone else can start talking. Again, people are going to pick up a mat. So part
of hotness in my world at least is learning how to slow it down to take your time to think
about what you’re going to say and to not shy away from the spotlight. In all honesty,
that’s probably what it is with me because I was such a shy child and I’ve done so much
work to overcome my shyness. But perhaps there’s still that little bit in there that is not
inherently comfortable with the spotlight. And if you are speaking, you have to be comfortable
with the spotlight. And guess what? Being comfortable with the spotlight, spotlight
in quotations, like a spotlight in your conversation, that is a big part of hotness. Being able to
take up space, being able to speak your mind, being able to speak clearly and confidently
that is such a hot thing to do. Okay. So this episode ended up being a bit longer than
I thought it was going to be today. But I hope that you enjoyed it and I hope you got
something out of it today. It is already well into August. So I know there’s not that much
summertime left. But I really hope these tips will help you spend the rest of your summer
feeling hot, feeling like that girl, having that brat summer, if you like. And I really
hope that you take this to heart and apply it in your own life. So thank you so much for
being here. Beautiful. I love you so much and I’ll catch you in the next one.