Episode #40: The Medicine Is Within The Opposite

Have you ever struggled with a major problem in life that didn’t seem to have an easy way out?

Here’s my big tip for you this week: the medicine is in the OPPOSITE.

Today, I’m going to prove it to you with two solid examples of why this works. Plus we’re going to go into the somatic and mindset work you need in order to face your fears and get out of stuck!

It’s essential listening for everyone, so grab yourself a matcha and dive in!

In This Episode:

• Listen to two examples of why the medicine to your biggest problems in life lies in doing the exact OPPOSITE
• Find out why just cognitively knowing that isn’t enough
• Get practical advice on somatics and mindset work that will help you break through
• Much more!

Listen Here:

Join heal’d right here!

The Medicine Is Within The Opposite | Episode #40 Transcript

Hello, Gorgeous. Welcome back to another episode. I’m so excited to be here with you today
We are going to talk about something that I have been thinking about for quite some time
We’re gonna be talking about something today that might give you the little boost you need to make a big change in a certain area of your life
This is the kind of tip that you probably won’t find in a psychology textbook or in the more traditional
places where you find information on healing or
Improving your overall mental health, but I still think it is one of the most crucial concepts to master
That is the idea that the medicine of what you need is in the very opposite
I know that makes it sound very simple like if we could all just go out and do the opposite thing that we would heal ourselves
But in truth this is a very difficult thing to put into practice
So let’s begin with talking about why the medicine is in the opposite
One example I can share with you today is
From my own healing journey
So a long time ago, especially when I was actually married and earlier in my dating life
I really had no idea that I had an anxious attachment style or perhaps maybe a disorganized attachment style
But today we’re just gonna pretend it’s anxious
That means in relationships I would tend to get
overly concerned in the beginnings whether or not somebody liked me
I would start to freak out maybe if somebody didn’t respond in time and I would feel this constant need to try to get closer to somebody
that many times backfired
If you have an anxious attachment style you can probably relate to one or all of these
Symptoms and if you want to learn more about healing that then I recommend you come on over
Check out the blog. There’s a ton of information on there about anxious attachment style and how to create a secure attachment style
Which we’re not going to go into specifically today
But this one tip might just help you to do that anyway
During my healing journey when I was learning how to detach when I was learning how to meet my own needs
And give myself the validation and the attention and the support that I had been really looking for in other people
I found at a certain point and perhaps even still to some degree to this day
That instead of going to secure attachment style I went straight over to avoid it
Which I’m laughing at right now, but it actually isn’t a funny thing
But I think this is actually really common
I know that a few people have written into me sharing that they experienced the same thing
So
First when you’re an anxious attachment style you’re like so outwardly focused
You are putting all of your effort in mind and energy onto this other person
And in the process of healing that you learn how to take that energy back
how to become more concerned about your own well-being
And your own thoughts and your own feelings
But sometimes we take that to the extreme that we
Just aren’t able to let that other person in at all
The reason why I think this is so common for us if you are on that anxious spectrum
Like me is because of what I’m talking about in this episode today
The medicine is in the opposite
So I think it is actually healthy
I think it’s actually important
I think it’s a normal part of the journey to go from anxious
And constantly having your attention outward to not wanting to put your attention on anybody else
Perhaps to the extreme
So I don’t think this is a bad thing at all
I think it’s a bad thing of course if you stay there for too long
And you stop letting anybody in
But I don’t think it’s a bad thing in the beginning
In fact I think it is exactly what you need
If you are that anxious attachment style
And you have been used to putting your energy in attention
And thoughts and everything out
Focused on somebody else
Like I can only feel good if this person is texting me back
Like that kind of a vibe
It is so important to do the work and to go the other way
And to start to protect yourself
And to start to detach
And to start to pull your energy back
Start to see how you have been putting yourself in these situations
Without even meaning to
But putting yourself in these situations
That are actually really unhealthy
So I do think that learning how to embrace or embody that other opposing style
Is actually a healthy tool
And you could argue that it could go the other way
For the avoidance as well
On this podcast I tend to talk to anxious attachment styles
Number one because that usually is women
And that’s usually who I track to my podcast
And number two because avoidance usually aren’t looking
For places to heal
It’s the anxious attachment styles that are looking
For ways to heal themselves and improve this area
Okay so that is one example
Of how you can find the medicine in the opposite
And that’s a pretty clear example
I think we can take this phrase and look at it
In multitudes of ways
So let’s say another example
I know that there are so many people out there
Who are struggling with money
Who get that feeling of tension
When the male gets delivered
Like you know there’s something in there
And you really don’t want to look at it
So you maybe put it in a pile and don’t look at it
Or you engage in some other avoidant behavior
In your conscious mind you’re like I’m working on it
I’m trying to make more money
I’m manifesting more money
I’m working on my money mindset
But when you look at the reality of the situation
This is such a glaring example to me
Because it is so so common
And I have actually been there too
So please do not feel called out here
It’s like you know that there’s an issue with money
And yet you are so afraid of it
That you will not look at your bills
You will not look at the total amount of money that you owe
You will avoid looking at the whole financial picture
And yet somehow you still think that
You are going to be able to change your money story
Or your relationship to money
Even though you are engaged in this fear-based behavior
And you are literally running away from your money
Do you see where I’m going with this?
It is really difficult for somebody to attract in money
And to change their money mindset
If at the same time
They are avoiding their own financial situation
They are opting out of their own financial power
Even if you’re saying like of course I’m avoiding it
Because I’m in the negative
That is still power
That is still something
That is still your situation
And to some degree you have created this right?
So you trying not to look at that
Trying to pretend that’s not there
Trying to push that as far away as you possibly can
What you’re actually doing is just still continuing to push
Money in general as far away as you possibly can
You cannot attract that money
You cannot change that relationship to money
And have this abundant joyful relationship to money
When you are fearing it
So the medicine is in the opposite right?
And in this situation
That means getting really really cozy
With your current financial situation
Yes
Even if you’re in the negative
Even if you’re getting unexpected bills
Whatever that is
Getting cozy with it because this is the reality right?
Money is something that comes and goes
It ebbs and flows
It’s like a cycle of nature
And if you are looking at lack
As being a permanent state
If you are letting that scare you
You’re not letting the tide come flowing back in right?
You’re getting stuck in this position
When we want to learn how to dance
Whether we want to learn how to play with money
We want to learn how to love money
For lack of a better word
And that means basically doing the opposite
What you have been doing
Again, the medicine is in the opposite
So I’m telling you these examples
I’m giving these concrete examples
Of how you can see that this is true
And accurate and real
But I want you to start to think right now
About that one thing
That you have trouble manifesting into your life
Or attracting into your life
Or that you’ve historically had trouble with
I want you to think about what that one thing is
And I want you to start to think about what
The opposite for you would be
And well, I put that idea in the back of your mind
Let’s talk now about why it is so difficult
To change this dynamic
So I wish it was as easy
As me just telling you the medicine is in the opposite
And then you’re like oh okay
I’m gonna go out there
And do this
I’m gonna do the opposite thing
And I am going to fix the situation
But we all know
That it is not as easy as that
We all think
We can just make a conscious decision in our mind
And that we are going to start to behave differently
But the problem here of course
Is your subconscious mind and your body
Actually saw somebody recently
Who said that your body is part of your subconscious mind
And oh goodness that is so smart
So that is the way I’m gonna think about it for now
Right
So you have your subconscious mind
Which are your subconscious beliefs
All of these old behaviors and patterns
That you picked up
Usually before the age of seven
All that deeply embedded stuff
I mean there’s stuff from later on as well
But you got that core childhood stuff
You’ve got that wounded inner child
You’ve got all of that stuff inside of you
That pertains to this particular area
And you have also got your body
Your body
Who probably goes into
Fight or flight
When it comes time to face the thing
Right
So let’s look at the money example
This behavior
Of avoiding looking at your bills
That could be classified as
The freezer response
Or the flight response
So it is difficult for us
To change that response
Without doing a little bit of either somatic work
To help process the feelings of fear in our body
And to do some subconscious reprogramming work
So the first place that I would begin with this
Is to work on feeling safe again within your body
Again if there’s some part of your brain
That is like money
Bad
Got to run away
I’m gonna freeze
I don’t want to think about it
I have to leave
Because that is the only way you know how to feel safe
We have to start to train you to feel safe
So that would be doing some somatic exercises
Breathing exercises
Again this episode does not meant to be a whole primer on polyvagal theory
But we’ve got that resource over on the blog if you want to go check that out
But what you really want to be doing here and focusing on here is to make
Yourself feel safe
Or at least learning how
Like when you start to feel activated
When you feel that urge to put the male somewhere where you won’t see it
We are going to work on
Not doing that
So maybe you don’t open the male right away
Maybe you put it right there
On your desk right in front of you
And you’re going to do some breathing exercises
We’re going to learn how to make our body feel safe
And to let ourselves come back into that rest or digest state
Because after all
This letter right here
This
Letter with whatever it says on it
This is not going to murder you
This is not a lion coming to attack you
But your body right now is feeling like that is right
You are having this fear-based reaction
Because of this bill
And your body is feeling unsafe
And that in turn is
Putting you into a fight or flight
Which in turn shuts down your prefrontal cortex
Which in turn does not allow you to make beautiful aligned conscious decisions
Which is one of the reasons why this becomes an endless negative cycle
Okay
So number one you’re going to want to learn how to feel calm
Boring that calm state into your body
Number two
We are going to start to dissect the reasons why you are feeling unsafe
And so money is such a huge topic
And there might be many reasons why you feel unsafe around money
Or why money scares you so much
Money is incredibly emotionally charged
We like to talk about it like it’s not but let’s face it
It is one of the things that we have the most feelings about
That we fight about the most
Maybe you saw your parents fighting about it
This is something that everyone has an opinion about
Our society in general
idolizes people with money
And literally shuns people that don’t have money
So you very much probably have some ideas about your own self-worth
wrapped up in the concept of having or not having money
This is all related to toxic capitalistic ideas
Which is something I actually want to bring a lot more awareness to
Because money is not actually
A measure of your real self-worth as a human
No, it isn’t
And we have so much to do collectively to unhook ourselves
From these ideas
These damaging toxic ideas
Am I telling you to become a communist?
No, every time I start to talk about
De-prograbbing capitalism
I think people get a little bit twisted
That is not what I’m suggesting
But I am suggesting that we have to do the work at least to rid ourselves
Of these toxic ideas
And the most toxic idea of all
Is that if you don’t have money
You are worth less
And that is going to create feelings of intense shame inside of you
And of course that is going to trigger your fight or flight
And of course that is going to turn off your prefrontal cortex
And again, this whole money trauma loop will keep on going
Unless again, we have the tools, the polyvagal tools
To calm ourselves down
And also the ability to go in
And to start to reprogram those ideas
So also reprogramming those ideas
We’re not going to get into exactly how to do that on this episode today
But I just wanted to share that
Because there are so many things that
You might have in your mind that you’re not even really aware of
That are actually hurting you around the idea of money
And like we’re talking about money today
But this can apply to love, this can apply
To relationships, this can apply to so many things in your life
So
I just wanted to give you this episode today
As a rather short and powerful punch
To arm you
With some amazing knowledge, at least to give you the birds eye overview
Of what can be an incredibly empowering healing process for you
So I want to again inspire you to use this knowledge
To actually make a change in your life
So once again, let’s just go through it all
Wrap it all up here at the end
The medicine is in the opposite
So the thing that you are
Wanting the most, I guarantee that there is something that you are afraid of
You have been avoiding
There’s some big ugly task you don’t want to do
There is a way of being that is the complete opposite
Of what you have been doing that you need to embrace
There is something in the opposite
That you need to go find
Okay, so that is an easy concept to understand
But it’s the other stuff
The other stuff might hold you back
So while you’re on this process of facing your fears
And of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone
And of doing something truly new in your life
Behaving in a whole new way in order to create new results
You are going to need to understand your fight or flight syndrome is going to pop up
And you’re going to have to learn how to calm yourself down
And find that sense of peace and rest within your body
This is something that your body was designed to do
It is not a superpower that only some people get
So you just need to learn how to practice it
How to embrace a certain set of tools
To understand what your dominant flight response is
To understand what your dominant trauma response is
And to create a set of tools for yourself
That you can use any time
You start to feel this trigger
Second, it’s time to go inside
And discover what’s happening in your subconscious mind
To discover those beliefs that maybe your parents gave you
That maybe society gave you
To discover the pain that maybe your inner child is holding onto
Or a part of your shadow
And to do some deep healing work on that stuff
Because if you don’t do that
You’re once again going to find yourself going back into that
Fighter flight mode
Feeling triggered
Have your brain go offline
And then you’re just going to be reacting like you always have
Right?
So we need to learn how to do both things
In order to actually get us out
And to actually do the opposite
So I hope this episode was useful for you today
Thank you so much for listening in
If you want to learn more about how to do this for yourself
Or you need some amazing powerful tools to help you on this journey
I invite you to check out my Healed Membership program
We have tools in there for polyvagal healing, sub-conscious reprogramming
Healing your attachment style
And so many others
And it is all available to you for just $22 a month
So if you are ready to take that next step in your healing journey
That is 100% the best place for you to be
The most affordable and easy place for you to be
So I invite you to come over and join me in there
Have a beautiful week my friend
And I will see you in the next one

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