Episode #30: Here's Why You Feel Like Sh*t All The Time

Do you ever feel like an emotional ping-pong ball? Jumping around emotionally but never feeling in control? Plus you’re straight-up exhausted because it seems like the bad stuff just keeps happening to you: getting ghosted, passed over for promotion, cut off in traffic, etc.

How are you supposed to feel good when the world seems so bad?

Today I’m sharing the REAL secret of why you feel like shit all the time-and it’s not what you think! So if you feel sad, tired or out of control of your life, tune in and find out how to change it!

In This Episode:

Find out the REAL reason you feel like sh*t all the time (it’s not what you think!)
Understand the mindset mistakes that are causing you pain
Get empowered to shift your inner world & feel empowered
Much more!

Listen Here:

Here’s Why You Feel Like Sh*t All The Time | Episode #30 Transcript

Hi friends, and welcome back to another episode of the Self Worth Podcast.
My name is Jenn, I’m a coach and healer, and today we are going to up level your mind
just a little tiny bit so you can ditch your old toxic habits and start living your best
life.
If that sounds good to you, then grab yourself a rosé or whatever you need, sit down,
buckle up, and enjoy.
So today I’m going to tell you why you feel like shit.
I’m putting that word in there even though this podcast will probably not be broadcast
to as many people as I would hope because I’m going to swear throughout this podcast.
So if you are in the car with your little ones right now, then maybe it’s time to press
pause, come back to this, put your headphones in, or do what you need to do so you can feel
comfortable while you drop a few swears during this one.
Usually we keep it pretty clean around here, but I am not opposed to swearing.
As you can probably tell.
So today we’re going to tell you why you feel like shit and the answer is definitely not
what you think it is.
So we have all been there.
It feels like life is working against you.
Like the things that you want are always out of your reach or like bad things are constantly
happening to you.
Maybe that guy is not texting you back.
Maybe your boss is not giving you the raise that you’d hoped for.
Or maybe you were just looking at the endless cycle of horrible news and feeling really
defeated and really down about it.
So first off, not to say that the news is not important, not to say that any of that stuff
isn’t happening.
Of course, that’s all happening.
But what I’m going to talk about today is going to give you the tools to live a normal
human life without feeling like crap all the time.
So the first thing to know is that you are human and humans are not designed to be happy
all of the time.
This is a huge misconception that I really think harms us more than helps us.
But if you turn on the TV or if you read most self-help, it seems like we should all have
this goal of being happy all of the time.
You should get what you want and you should feel happy and everything is going to be sunshine
and roses.
However, that is not the way that life works and that is not the way humans work.
So I want you to know this right now.
There’s not a single person on the planet who is happy 24/7 unless they are on some sort
of crazy medication that helps them to do that.
So we need to put aside this idea of that being happy all the time is the goal because happiness
is a fleeting emotion just like every other emotion.
We can access it and there are ways to access more of it.
But there is no possible way for you as a human to feel happy all of the time.
Let’s start to wrap our brains around that and let go of the idea that we should be happy
all the time because if we think we should be happy all the time and we’re not, that makes
it seem like there’s something wrong with us or that we’re somehow cursed or that there’s
something really, really wrong with the way that we’re living life.
And I want you to know right now that that is not true.
So get that one through your head.
Happiness 24/7 is just not possible.
We need to let that go as a goal.
You can go for your overall happiness, your contentment, your goals, yes, but none of that
is going to make you happy 24/7, which carries me to my next point.
Life is not always full of good things.
You can manifest, you can think positive, you can set goals, you can achieve them.
And you are still going to deal with negative emotions.
You are still going to deal with disappointments.
You’re still going to deal with unexpected things happening to your life and you thinking
that there is something incredibly wrong with that, right?
You know, just in our relationships with other humans, other humans can be so complicated,
right?
Like I think if you’ve had a long-term friendship or a relationship with anybody, you know,
you think you know this person, you think you have them figured out and then one day they
do something that completely surprises you, right?
And life is exactly the same way.
We work at a job we think we’re going to be there until we retire and guess what?
It goes bankrupt.
Or one day you just get let go because they’re downsizing or the company got bought or you
go on three dates with somebody that you think you’re really vibing with and really have
a strong connection with and they suddenly go stew, right?
These are not mega, mega problems.
Of course they’re not fun.
Of course they don’t feel good.
But the fact that they are happening to you doesn’t mean that anything has gone wrong.
We are all just going to have to experience these kinds of things.
People get sick.
People pass away.
People move away.
Our jobs go away.
Relationships expire.
Like this is just the constant stage of life.
Nobody’s life stays the same forever.
And even though we try to predict what’s going to happen in our life, we’re going to be
dealt some unexpected cards all the time, right?
And that’s really what’s happening here.
Something that you did not expect is happening to you and your brain is completely freaking
out about it.
So I just want you to start to reframe that as well because most of the time none of these
things mean anything has gone wrong.
You know, the person that is ghosting you, that person just isn’t your person and
they were never your person.
You were putting a lot of thought and effort and time and energy into thinking about that
person, which makes them seem a lot more important than they actually are.
The company shutting down, obviously that doesn’t have anything to do with you, but that
feels like it doesn’t it.
It all feels like it’s very personal and like it’s happening to you at the time.
But these are just things that happen around you.
They happen during your life and they do not define you and they are not the big catastrophes
that we like to make them out to be.
So we’ve learned these two things.
Happiness 24/7 is not accurate.
It’s not a goal.
It’s not possible.
Okay, so we need to stop thinking that when we’re not happy that everything is terrible.
And number two, bad things happen.
We are human and nothing in this human life is completely predictable.
But it’s the way that you deal with those bumps in the road that make those bumps in the
road that make all of the difference.
So with those two things in mind, let’s go into what I actually wanted to talk about today,
which is the reason why you feel like shit all of the time.
And so the big reason that you feel like shit all of the time is because of your own thoughts.
I know you’re going to think that’s crazy.
Like if this person hadn’t done this, if this person hadn’t said that, then I wouldn’t
feel the way that I do.
But I want you to just start to slow this down for a moment and give this idea a little
bit of space to breathe.
We’ve been taught to think that the outside world causes the way that we feel, right?
We are taught that we can hurt other people’s feelings.
We are taught that we need to really think about how we’re showing up and what we do and
what actions we take so that we don’t offend anybody, right?
Which is especially true if you are socialized as a woman, women are especially taught to
hyper focus on how we are perceived and to try to soothe everybody to put a smile in
our face to put our problems away and to not take up too much space in the world, blessed
we make somebody else uncomfortable.
None of that is an actual thing that actually happens.
You can go through life trying your very best to not offend somebody and guess what?
Sometimes you’re going to offend somebody anyway.
But that person being offended many times has nothing to do with what you actually did.
I think we’ve all lived through this experience at some point in time.
You know, you go out for a coffee with a friend, a friend A, let’s say, and then friend B sees
it on Instagram and is super offended and starts to send you weird messages about it, right?
But that offense, the problem that is occurring in person B’s head is really just happening
in their head.
It’s happening in the way they’re thinking about the problem, like you going out for coffee
with person A, that doesn’t actually mean that you were doing something bad.
I mean, unless you talked about it ahead of time and said you’re going to go with them or
something like that.
But if you just made this plan independent of the third person and the third person is
getting upset, the problem that exists is inside that third person’s head.
But we’ve opened that third person, right?
And so today I’m not telling you how to manage someone else’s thoughts in someone else’s
head.
I’m using that as an example for you to see how the reality that we live with and the
problems we create exist in our head and they come from the way we think about things.
So let’s think about that person B for a second.
And if you were that person feeling triggered, feeling jealous, you see two people you know
going out and having coffee without you, that is reflecting your thinking about the situation.
So if you were getting upset about something like that, you would probably be thinking something
like this person never thinks about me.
I can’t believe they like that person more than me.
Those two barely even know each other.
I can’t believe they’re hanging out.
There’s some sort of thought that is happening that is causing this jealousy in this person’s
mind.
When the reality of the situation is that the two people that went for coffee together,
they were not thinking about that person at all.
They were just going to do their thing and the other person and how their friendship was
or anything, it did not become part of that equation.
This is not a perfect example, like I said, if there was an original plan for three people
to go together and somebody gets left out, you know, this analogy is not perfect.
But what I’m saying is most of the time, the two actions of the person going to coffee
in the first friend that really has nothing to do with person B freaking out, feeling triggered,
feeling jealous.
The jealousy and the triggering and all of that is happening in person beast head.
So if you were person B and we’ve all been person B, let’s talk about what that really
means.
So I gave you some examples here about what kinds of thoughts could trigger that feeling,
right?
And you can see now that there’s a very big difference here between the action, the real
world situation and the thought that the person B who is freaking out, the thoughts that they
are having, right?
So the real world situation is two people have gone for coffee and the way person B is thinking
about this is these people don’t like me.
And what they don’t realize is that they have created a story already about what this situation
in real life means.
So you see the situation right here and you think that it’s those people making you upset.
You think it’s them going for coffee that’s making you upset.
So what’s actually making you upset is the story you’ve created around that.
These people never think about me.
These people don’t like me.
That person definitely likes that girl more than they like me.
So these are the thoughts that are causing those feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, anger,
rage, jealousy, whatever it is.
It’s not the actual real life world thing that’s happening that’s creating how you feel.
It is your thoughts about that thing that create the way you feel.
Now that you know this, we can start to see how we get so much of our power away throughout
our daily life.
And to be honest, this can be really tricky to do is really tricky business being a human.
It’s really difficult dealing with other people and living through this complex modern life.
But this is really why I want to give you this tool today because I want you to understand
that you have so much more power over how you feel than you think.
Because we were taught that other people can affect us and because we’ve gone around our
whole entire life thinking that everyone has to do what I prove of and do live their life
in a certain way and life has to play out in one way only for me to be happy.
That just sets us up for so much disappointment, right?
Because none of us get that.
We don’t even realize we’re doing this, but we’ve created these little scripts for how
we think life should go.
Like I went on three days with this person, therefore they should obviously fall in love
with me.
Or I’ve worked with this company for three years.
So obviously I should get the promotion, but unfortunately that’s not how life works.
When you’re taking everything personally, when you think everything means something about
you, then you become this helpless little ping pong ball bouncing around.
If you happen to get up in the morning and life happens to be on your side that day,
there is no traffic, the bus didn’t get delayed, your bus isn’t in good mood, etc.
Then you get to be happy.
But if the bus was delayed, if this person said something rude to you, if this text came
to you that you weren’t expecting, then you have to be upset, right?
So I just want you to think about that for a moment and realize when you have such a tight
expectation about how life quote unquote should go and you let anything that is unexpected
or new or negative, interfere with that, like it, I can’t be happy because my bus was upset.
I can’t be happy because I was late for work today.
I can’t be happy because of this and because of that, then you are going to be unhappy
most of the time.
So I really love mindset work because it lets you get out of this controlling side.
You don’t have to try to control everything.
You don’t have to wake up every day, hoping everything will go your way so that you can
feel good.
This is giving you permission to learn how to feel good anyway and to realize that anything
that happens to you throughout your day or anything you intake into your brain doesn’t have
to be happening to you, you can change your thoughts about.
And when you change your thoughts about it, you can change the way you feel.
So this is how you get from becoming somebody who feels like crap all the time, somebody
who is an emotional ping pong ball bouncing around never in charge of their own emotions.
This is how you get back to a place of understanding your control.
And this is such a beautiful thing, right?
So again, we’re not going to be happy 24/7.
Again, we can’t control everything in the world around us and negative things are going
to happen to us.
But when you are in control of the way you think, you can create a much better overall
life experience for yourself.
So I also want you to think about that for a moment.
If you are living in this perpetual reactive state, this perpetual triggered state, feeling
all of these feelings all the time and they’re always out of your control, you’re going
to look back at your life and not see many periods of peace, contentment, joy, etc.
And that overall is going to just make you more unhappy over the long term, right?
Like I don’t have any statistics to back this up with.
But obviously if all of your memories of your life are like, I was at this event and
I felt agitated because this thing happened to me, you’re just living life, eight, you’re
not really in the moment, you’re not really experiencing things.
But B, you are letting your circumstances dictate how you feel all of the time.
And I don’t know about you, but that does not seem like the way that I want to live my
life.
And I would love to choose more happiness.
I would love to choose more confidence, more contentment, more calm.
Okay?
So we can do that by shifting the way we think.
So let’s finish off now with a much more complicated example, which is an example I think
we all need to hear right now.
So there are many terrible things happening in the world right now and I’m not going to
go into those specifics, but I’m sure if you have read the news, there are any number
of things to be upset about in the current moment.
So when you think that your outside world controls the way you think, then you might read
the news and feel just so angry or so sad or so upset like every single time, right?
So for one thing, that’s not completely wrong, right?
Like if we see other humans in distress, that’s only natural to have empathy and feel distressed
also, right?
But we can also take this to an extreme and think that I can’t be happy because this is happening.
I can’t worry about my problems because this is happening.
I can’t feel good about myself because this is happening.
And again, that is all making us feel helpless and pushing our happiness away.
If you’re like, I can’t be happy in the world until there’s peace in the Middle East,
that’s really not making a difference on the actual events happening in the real world,
but it is making you more uncomfortable, more unhappy, more full of rage or whatever it is
right now and for probably an extended period of time.
So in this situation, when you’re reading the news and you’re feeling upset, aggravated,
angry, whatever, I want you to think about what you want to do without feeling, right?
Because the purpose of this work, the purpose of between understanding that our thoughts,
creator, feelings, this can get a little twisted.
Like some people like to use this for toxic positivity.
Like I’m going to ignore the news because I don’t want to think about that stuff.
So I’m going to live in my little happy bubble and never think about that stuff ever again.
Like that is the way a lot of people, especially quote unquote, “spiritual people.”
That is how they tackle it.
Or people think that they have to gaslight themselves basically all the time.
And yes, positive thinking is sort of a form of gaslighting if you want to look at it that
way.
But you can use this tool with full awareness and full consciousness.
So you can see something on the news that upsets you.
You can feel yourself getting upset because of your thoughts.
Like I feel helpless.
Like I can’t believe this thing is happening.
And you can still understand that the way you are feeling is because of your thoughts.
And then you can opt to shift your thoughts into thoughts that would help you see things
differently and feel more in control of your life.
Okay, so that is a way we can use our emotions as fuel, as motivation to do something else,
right?
And I think that’s what you should do.
I mean, we should do that in many situations.
But when it comes to world events, I think that’s the best way to go.
So you don’t have to be just unhappy.
Like you don’t have to have the thought, “Well, I can’t relax.
I can’t enjoy my life.
I can’t feel proud of myself because this is happening.”
That’s, I’m suggesting, is not a useful thought.
But what about, I really want to help these people and I’m going to start doing X, whatever
that is.
Like that is a much more powerful thought, right?
Like that is taking the same situation.
Something that you did not appreciate, it did not like it, but then also deciding to do
something about it.
Instead of shrugging your shoulders and thinking, “This is nothing to do with me and I
have to feel helpless and I have to feel angry and I have to feel sad.”
We are putting action into it and that gives you your power back, right?
And it all comes from the way that you think about it.
So this is a very short overview of this topic, which I could go into in a lot more detail.
But I want to just finish off with giving you a little framework here that you can start
to work from.
You can apply this to anything and you can take this anywhere to make yourself feel better
in the moment so that you can get your control back and no longer feel like crap all the
time or no longer feel like that emotional ping pong ball.
Okay, so when you are finding yourself reacting to something, I want you to make a distinction
here.
What is the actual facts of the situation and what is the story that I’m telling myself?
Okay, these are two different things, realize they’re two different things.
Don’t tell yourself, “Well, they hurt my feelings because.”
No, you’re going to be like, “This is the action that person took and this is the story
that I’m thinking about it.”
And then I want you to think, “Okay, so what is the story that I’m thinking?
What is the belief here and what feeling is that creating in my body?”
Right?
So if you thought that you got left out, you’re thinking, “These people don’t like me
and that is making you feel shame, which is making you feel this burning shame sensation
in your body.”
Okay?
So right now you’re just recording, you’re just noticing what’s actually happening in your
brain and in your body.
That’s all you have to do.
So next step, the original situation can’t change, right?
Like the original facts of the situation can’t change, but I want you to think about
how you want to feel.
So let’s switch the example.
If you were reading the news, but you want to feel empowered, you don’t want to feel helpless,
you don’t want to feel angry, you don’t want to feel whatever, whatever that situation is
in your body.
Let’s start to work backwards.
How can you switch to feel empowered about this?
You’re not saying it’s not happening, you’re not ignoring it.
But if this thing in the world is still happening over here and you want to feel like you are
doing something, what do you need to believe and what do you want to feel?
Asking yourself, what do you want to believe?
What do you want to feel?
Those two questions can make all the difference in getting control back, no longer feeling
like shit all the time and really creating a more balanced, calm, content, happy life for
the long term.
I really hope that you got something useful out of this episode today.
If you want to learn more about me, I invite you to check out my Healed program.
I’ll leave a link for that in the show notes.
If you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it with a friend who needs to hear
this.
I would appreciate your help in growing and this channel so, so much.
So please go ahead and do that and other than that, I’ll catch you in the next one.