How To Process Your Emotions
Be honest: do you know how to process your emotions?
Sure, you know what your emotions feel like. However, if you’re like most people, you’re much better at resisting those emotions than you are at feeling them.
Part of this is because as a society we don’t value emotions. In fact, we think of emotions as “weak”. This is part of patriarchy but it ultimately hurts all of us. The truth is we are all highly emotional creatures. Pretending that we’re not actually has the opposite effect than what we want: we become more reactive and even more controlled by our emotions, because we’re so blind to them.
The only way out is through.
No one wants to hear that but it’s the truth with a lot of things, and especially with emotions.
You can pretend you don’t feel them. You can pretend you’re over it. But deep down inside of you, those emotions are lurking around just waiting for the chance to express themselves.
Hint: this usually happens at a very inopportune time or by making you have a meltdown over something minor.
I get it: no one wants to feel their sadness. Their anger. Their rage.
But emotions cannot truly hurt you.
In fact, when you actually feel them fully, they don’t even last that long.
However, resisting them canhurt you.
Most people spend way more energy trying to minimize them and ignore them than they would by actually feeling them. Isn’t that a little crazy?
Okay, so now that I’ve talked you into feeling your emotions, I’m sure your next question is: how exactly do I do that?
Again, you weren’t taught this stuff. You probably had parents who were just as emotionally illiterate as you are! So don’t feel bad that this isn’t a skill that you possess. It’s not a failure on your part to know how to do something that wasn’t taught to you.
Now that we have that straight, let’s get into it!
How To Process Your Emotions
How To Process Your Emotions Step #1: Do A Body Scan
I know you think you already know what your emotions feel like. But for most of us, we know what resisting our emotions feels like. We know we’re sad–but instead of feeling the sadness, we think “Oh there’s sadness” and we try really hard to feel something else.
But avoidance doesn’t work and the more we resist our emotions, the more powerful they become.
So let’s start by noticing what we’re actually feeling.
Do a quick scan around your body and notice what you’re feeling right now:
Tingling hands? Tightness in your neck or shoulders? Maybe racing heart or racing thoughts?
Notice and name what is coming up. Then name the emotion attached to it.
“I feel butterflies in my stomach. That means I feel nervous. This is what nervousness feels like in my body.”
No need to fight it or edit it. Just feel it and name it.
How To Process Your Emotions Step #2: Regulate
The next step is to stay in our body with the emotion. This is your cue to stop intellectualizing your emotions and just do something physical:
- Breathwork – Yes, it’s annoying for someone to tell you to “just breathe” but it honestly works.
- Go for your Hot Girl Walk
- Running
- Yoga or Pilates (IRL or with a YouTube video)
- Throw on your favorite song and have a dance party
- Nap! – Sometimes this is exactly what your body needs.
How To Process Your Emotions Step #3: Integrate Your Emotions
The next step is to communicate with your emotions. That means simply asking it a few questions
What do you need me to know? What do you need me to do? How can I make you feel nurtured and safe?
Listen intently to whatever comes up. Yes, it really is that simple so you don’t need to get stuck in wondering if it was “real” or not.
After you’ve listened, let it know: “I see you. I honor you. I love you.”
How To Process Your Emotions Step #4: Release
Now’s the time for action. Whatever your emotions told you, it’s time to act on it. Maybe that’s indulging in something. Maybe that’s communicating with someone. Maybe that’s taking out your anger on the sofa!
This is how you complete the emotional cycle and “prove” to your inner self that you are listening and supporting.
Again, this is not the time to intellectualize and talk yourself out of it. Challenge yourself to actually do what you need to do.
Note
Nowhere during this process are we telling ourselves our emotions are stupid or wrong! Nor are we pretending they’re not there. We’re letting them come forth, without shame or judgement, no matter what.
So tell me: what did you think? How does emotional processing feel for you? What did you learn?
Emotions aren’t rocket science! However, most of us have simply not been trained in how to take care of ours. It’s important for your overall mental health and happiness to take care of your emotions. They are not meaningless! They create the foundation for a truly beautiful life. So challenge yourself to start taking care of yours.


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