How To Heal Your Core Wounds

Wondering how to heal your core wounds?

Core wounds, deep-seated emotional scars often formed in childhood, can significantly impact our self-worth and our adult relationships.

While they’re something we all suffer from, most people don’t even realize it.

However, your subconscious mind plays a large role in your life and might even sabotage your best efforts toward happiness.

To break free from this cycle, understanding and healing these core wounds is essential.

What Are The Core Wounds?

According to Lise Bourbeau, there are five main core wounds: abandonment, rejection, betrayal, humiliation or justice.

The Wound of Abandonment

Core Fear: Loneliness, abandonment
Behavioral Mask: Dependence, clinginess
Characteristics: Difficulty with independence, seeking constant reassurance, fear of rejection, people-pleasing tendencies, emotional instability.

The Wound of Rejection

Core Fear: Rejection, abandonment
Behavioral Mask: Withdrawal, isolation
Characteristics: Low self-esteem, perfectionism, difficulty trusting, avoidance of intimacy, seeking validation through external achievements.

The Wound of Humiliation

Core Fear: Exposure, vulnerability
Behavioral Mask: People-pleaser, perfectionist
Characteristics: Low self-esteem, difficulty setting boundaries, excessive guilt, fear of judgment, tendency to overcompensate.

The Wound of Betrayal

Core Fear: Abandonment, betrayal
Behavioral Mask: Controller, manipulator
Characteristics: Difficulty trusting, need for control, hypervigilance, suspicion, competitive nature, blaming others.

The Wound of Injustice

Core Fear: Unfairness, rejection
Behavioral Mask: Perfectionist, people-pleaser
Characteristics: Need for approval, difficulty expressing emotions, rigid thinking, fear of failure, tendency to overwork.

It’s important to note that not everyone will get wounded from the same events. Some people experience something and brush it off, while others don’t. Emotional trauma is not one size fits all!

Signs You Might Have a Core Wound

Experiencing frequent arguments with loved ones you believe are “normal.”
Feeling trapped in a job you don’t enjoy, but stay for financial security.
Lacking a sense of joy or fulfillment in life.
Experiencing physical symptoms like fatigue, digestive issues, or muscle aches.

What Happens if You Don’t Heal Your Core Wounds?

Core wounds are deep emotional wounds from childhood that can impact your present life. While they may not cause dramatic upheaval, they can leave you feeling unfulfilled or stuck in a rut. They might also impact your adult relationships, convincing you to not get close to anyone or heightening your anxiety.

Healing Your Core Wound: A 6-Step Process

Step 1: Identify Your Core Wound

To begin understanding the root of your emotional challenges, it’s essential to identify your core wounds. Start by listing out the five primary wounds and your experiences with each one. You might have a lot more “evidence” for one that the others!

Similarly, if you “forget” a wound, try focusing on that one for a moment. Perhaps your subconscious mind is trying to “protect” you from looking deeper.

If that doesn’t resonate, try recalling a few specific painful emotional experiences. What did you feel back then and how did you internalize that experience? By analyzing recurring words and themes, you can identify core wounds or create new labels that accurately reflect your pain.

Remember, a single event can trigger multiple wounds. For instance, a breakup might evoke both abandonment and betrayal. These interconnected wounds can significantly impact your behavior and emotions.

Step 2: Isolate the Cause

Sometimes pinpointing the cause of our core wound can be quite helpful to understanding our pain.

When did your core wound originally form?
What events or situations contributed to it?
Was it a childhood experience, a past relationship, or something else?

The point of this exercise is not to get into victim mode or assign blame. Acknowledging where our pain came from is an important first step for many.

But with that said, sometimes your core wound can come from a cluster of experiences! If you can’t pinpoint one or two, that’s okay too. Keep going with the rest of the healing process.

Step 3: Own Your Experience

Once you’ve identified your core wounds, it’s crucial to take ownership of your emotional pain.

If you’ve never let yourself fully feel the pain of that experience, let yourself do it, for just a few moments. (If you have severe trauma, skip this or do this with a professional!) While we’re all afraid to feel our darkest feelings, ironically it’s only feeling them that will let us ultimately release them.

Remember that no matter what happened, how long ago it was, or who hurt you, your feelings are valid. You don’t have to justify or explain your pain. Accept your suffering without judgment or minimization. This step is vital in breaking free from the emotional control others once held over you.

Step 4: Notice Your Beliefs + Behaviors

Core wounds also create limiting beliefs and behavioral coping strategies that impact your behavior in your current life. In particular, core wounds often lead to “I am” statements, which reflect our true pain. Example: Frustration → sadness → failure → “I am a failure.”

Identify the beliefs or “I am” statements associated with your wound. Are these beliefs empowering you or holding you back?
What behaviors or coping mechanisms have been driven by these beliefs/ this event?

step 5: Reframe Your Beliefs

Just like renovating a house, you can reconstruct your belief system. You don’t have to keep those old toxic beliefs and habits! Challenge your limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering ones that align with your true self.

For every limiting belief, decide on a new empowering belief (or at least a neutral belief) to focus on instead. Use it as an affirmation and come back to it as often as you can. (You can also try hypnosis, subliminal or EMDR to help program this.)

Over time, you will rewrite the old belief.

Step 6: Take Action

With a new belief system in place, it’s finally time to create positive change.

Look at your old toxic habits or coping strategies. Then ask yourself: what can i do instead? What’s a healthier choice? Aim for behaviors that help reaffirm your new belief.

During the healing process, you might find yourself naturally drawn in new directions or letting go of unhealthy situations. Always aim to make choices that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Step 7: Seek Professional Help

While Lise Bourbeau’s theory offers insights into emotional patterns and there’s much we can do to heal ourselves, it’s important to remember it is not a substitute for professional therapy.

Emotional pain can be difficult to process on your own! If you need extra help, don’t hesitate to find a professional.

Ready to heal your core wounds with the help of a therapist? Try out BetterHelp for convenient, affordable therapy you can start at home today.

Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination

Learning how to heal your core wound is a brave endeavor! However, healing doesn’t happen overnight. However, your overall mental health and well-being is well-worth the work. With dedication and self-compassion, you can build a life filled with joy and fulfillment.