What Is Low Self-Worth?
Low self-worth is a strange thing. You probably don’t wonder about it a whole lot or spend much time googling it. But there’s a good chance you’re still suffering from the symptoms of it. You just know them by some other names.
Think:
- Perfectionism
- Comparison-itis
- Self-sabotaging behaviors
- People-pleasing/codependency
- Anxiety
Just to name a few!
In a world where success and achievement are highly prized, it’s easy to fall into the trap of undervaluing ourselves. Low self-worth is a common issue that affects many, yet it often remains unaddressed. This blog post aims to shed light on what low self-worth is, its effects on our lives, and how we can work towards building a healthier self-esteem.
What is Low Self-Worth?
At its core, low self-worth is the deeply-rooted subconscious belief that you are not as valuable or worthy as others.
This is much more than just self-doubt–which is normal and something we all experience from time to time.
It’s also more than just a negative thought here or there. Instead, it’s a belief structure, a deep feeling of inadequacy that permeates almost every area of life.
People with low self-worth often struggle to believe in their abilities, feel undeserving of happiness, and often undervalue their own needs and desires.
Causes: Where Does Low Self Worth Come From?
Low self-worth programming comes from a variety of sources.
Family of Origin
The most prominent (as you might have guessed) is from our family of origin.
Maybe you had parents who didn’t give you emotional support or positive feedback. Maybe you had a Tiger Mom-type parent who always pushed you to perfection and never let you feel like you were enough. Or maybe you even had a parent who was secretly jealous of you and always downplayed your success.
Advertising
Another source is modern day marketing. Most modern day advertising revolves around profiting off of our shame. It tells us you are almost good enough as you are, but if you buy these shoes, this diet pill, this perfume then you’ll finally be acceptable. Of course, there are different levels to this messaging. However it’s safe to say that by the time we reach adulthood we’ve been subjected to years of this programming. So it’s very likely to have affected you in one way or another.
These messages are not just limited to advertising, by the way! We can also pick up this type of toxic programming from movies, TV shows, the Kardashians (lol!).
Female Socialization
Women are particularly susceptible to low self-worth programming. Little boys are taught to be brave and strong, while little girls are socialized to serve others and be perfect (in our looks, behavior, grades, etc.) The constant search for perfection is extremely damaging to our self-worth because we can never get there, no matter how hard we try. Also, being socialized to put others first all the time also means we end up self-abandoning, instead of learning boundaries, how to say no, and otherwise nurture ourselves.
Life Experiences
Adult relationships can also play a role. For example, being in a relationship with a narcissist or going through a toxic breakup (not just a normal breakup but the kind where the other person blames you for everything, personally insults you, etc.) Or perhaps you had a toxic boss at work, who made you the scapegoat for the company.
Capitalism/Hustle Culture
Finally, capitalism itself is another glaring culprit. Modern society loves hustle culture. It values output. It literally tells us we have to “earn” our right to live. We’ve been told that we’re individually responsible for our lives. So if we have money or career issues, that means there’s something wrong with us. But in reality, those things are often symptoms of social problems. However, it’s very common to internalize this messaging: anything that limits our ability to make money or contribute to capitalism we’re supposed to feel bad about.
Low Self Worth & Shame
The common root of all these factors is shame. Toxic shame seeps into our subconscious mind. It makes us believe that something in fundamentally wrong with us: something beyond repair or acceptance.
Carrying around that toxic shame is a burden that depletes our energy, our happiness, and even puts limits on the kind of life we build for ourselves.
Self-Worth vs Self-Esteem: What’s The Difference?
A common question is what’s the difference between self-worth and self-esteem?
Self-worth is your belief in your own inherent value as a person. (Hint: you were born worthy and nothing every changes that!)
Self-esteem is our belief in our own skills, talents, and abilities. However, self-esteem is not as consistent as self-worth because it also depends on the outer world: titles, awards, competition and how other people think of you,
Self-esteem is always in flux because it’s out of our control After all, you can’t make other people think positively of you all the time! However, many people confuse self-esteem with self-worth. They think that getting more compliments or awards or comparing themselves to others who aren’t doing as well is the way to make them feel better. But of course, this plan never works out in the long term.
How Does Low Self Worth Impact Me?
Living with low self-worth can have profound effects on various aspects of life. You might have a series of relationships with people who cannot love you the way you want and deserve. Perhaps you’re in a dead-end job but you cannot even think of what you want to do next. Or perhaps you have difficulty figuring out what you want in general, much less asking for it.
Basically, low self worth can negatively impact not only our own mental wellness, but also our friendships, romantic partnerships, career and earning capactiy.
Over the long term, it can lead to deeper mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and even disease caused by chronic stress.
Identifying Low Worth Traits
Did you recognize any of these signs of low self-worth within yourself? This is actually great because simply noticing the pattern is the first step toward healing. (After all, how can you fix something if you’re not even aware there’s a problem?)
How To Raise Your Self-Worth
The journey to raising your self-worth can be a long one. We must rewrite our mind to see ourselves in a whole new light–and that can take a lot of effort! However, there’s a lot you can do for yourself just by embracing new beliefs and habits.
Be Gentle With Yourself
Make it a point to be kind to yourself. Practice gentle parenting on yourself and your Inner Child. Learn how to let go of the harsh language of your Inner Critic.
Positive Self-Talk
You’re used to telling yourself all kinds of negative things. Let’s start to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. Talk to yourself as if you were encouraging a small child or a friend. What would you want to tell them right now?
Set Realistic Goals
Stop aiming for perfection and start aiming for “good enough” instead. Then celebrate your wins as you go and give yourself credit for everything you’ve achieved, even if you’re only part of the way on the journey. This will help to build your confidence and sense of accomplishment over time.
Heal Your Inner Child
Many of our shame stories are interlinked with our Wounded Inner Child. Learning how to talk to your Inner Child and release those fears will go a long way towards creating a sense of inner peace.
Boundaries & Standards
People suffering from low self-worth tend to be too nice to the wrong people. That means it might be time to make a clean sweep in your current friend group or social obligations. That doesn’t mean dumping everyone but you must definitely set limits and boundaries to protect yourself. Those of us who feel constantly indebted to others will find this a difficult step indeed, even though it’s in your best interests.
Need Extra Support?
You don’t have to heal on your own! I’m currently booking coaching clients who are looking to release old toxic shame and low self-worth in money, love, or success. Find out more here!
Final Thoughts
To sum up, low self-worth is a challenging yet common experience that many face in silence. It’s essential to recognize its signs and take active steps to build a healthier self-image. Remember, the journey to improving self-worth is gradual and requires patience and persistence. By understanding what low self-worth is and how to combat it, we can move towards a more fulfilling and self-assured life.
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