Episode #20: 3 Steps To Become Your Own BFF!
Over on my TikTok, I talk a LOT about becoming your own BFF. But what does that really mean?
Of course, we ALL want to prioritize ourselves and have our own backs. But in reality, our actions and thoughts reveal a different picture.
In this episode, I’m giving you my three best tips so STOP giving your power away and actually be your own bestie! Listen in to find out how!
In This Episode:
- Stop overperforming or giving into people-pleasing and self-doubt
- Get quick tips on how to DITCH your Inner Mean Girl
- Start truly prioritizing YOU — not just saying it
- Set boundaries to protect your peace
- Much more!
Listen Here:
3 Steps To Become Your Own BFF! | Episode 20 Transcript
Hello and welcome back to another episode of the podcast. It’s your girl Jenn and I’m so excited to be here with you today. We have an amazing episode lined up.
Happy Equinox!
If you follow me on Instagram, you probably already know that it was just Spring Equinox. That is the beginning of Aries season, the beginning of an astrological new year, also Persian new year, also Astera in pagan celebrations or the wheel of the year. And what a beautiful place to be coming into this episode from.
So I really hope that you take that into account and feel this brand new fresh energy, plant some seeds, hatch some eggs, and really start to think about what you want for yourself in the coming year.
It is always such a good time to do this. I always like to celebrate all of the different new years throughout the year, but this is the one that makes probably the most sense to me.
So if you haven’t done that already or if you are feeling behind on your actual New Year’s resolutions, this is a new time to get grounded and reflect and to recommit to your journey.
How To Become Your Own BFF
Okay, with that all being said, let’s get into today’s episode, which is all about the art of becoming your own BFF.
This is something I’ve spoken about a few times on my TikTok, but I’ve sort of said it in passing like you need to become your own BFF or becoming your own best friend is the best thing that you can possibly do for yourself.
Today I want to talk a little bit more about what becoming your BFF really means because it sounds nice, it sounds cool like why it wouldn’t you want to do that, but when it comes to practical steps like what do I actually need to work on in order to make that happen.
So the first thing that I would suggest if you are trying to become your own BFF, if you are tired of living and self-doubt, if you are tired of feeling like everyone else in the world knows more about your life than you do, if you are constantly giving your power away through perfectionism or people pleasing or over-performing in general, then this is the episode for you.
Step 1: Conquer Your Inner Mean Girl
The first thing I want you to consider is your relationship with yourself. Do you have a loud Inner Mean Girl voice?
This is incredibly common, but it’s not like you set out to have this toxic inter-relationship with yourself.
We tend to internalize the voices and phrases and opinions of people outside of us, and then we replay them backwards inside of our own minds, and it feels like it’s coming from us, but it isn’t really.
It’s like that voice that is telling you you’re to this or not enough that is probably the voice of one of your parents, both of your parents, somebody you were friends with when you were a kid, something you saw on TV. This kind of toxic attitude towards oneself, it doesn’t start with us. We don’t start off hating ourselves and judging ourselves and speaking to ourselves in such
a horrible way.
Your Relationship To Yourself Matters
We tend to think that what goes on in the privacy of our own mind doesn’t really matter, because why would it matter how I speak to myself?
If I am telling myself I’m horrible, I’m ugly, I’m this, I’m that. Maybe that is the best way to motivate me to keep trying.
I know a lot of us have this thought that if we stop being mean to ourselves or stop that inner mean girl voice, that somehow we’re going to make a mistake or people won’t love us as much or something else dramatic and bad will happen to us because we only know how to live with this voice.
Dealing with your inner mean girl voice is actually a very huge topic and I can go into this for quite a while. I have a whole workshop on this inside of my healed program if you’re interested. But for now I want you to know two things.
Number one, this is not a normal way to speak to yourself. And I want you to think about the best friend concept.
Talk To Yourself Like A Friend
Like would you speak to your best friend like this?
If you were trying to motivate your best friend to do something, let’s say, would you terrify them?
Would you call them names?
Would you tell them that they’re stupid or they’re going to be a failure if they don’t do this?
Is that the way you would treat somebody in real life? And when you put it that way, it’s like, okay, of course not. Like I would never try to do that with my best friend, my boyfriend, whoever. But for some reason, we are really stuck on the idea that we have to do this to ourselves or else because we just don’t know how else to relate to ourselves. That’s how deep this negative programming goes.
So again, we’re not going to get too deep into how to untangle this inside of your mind, but I just want you to know that this is not the way you have to be with yourself. You can be kind to yourself. You can think nice thoughts about yourself and you can get things done in life without being a tyrant inside of your mind. It is really difficult to feel good about yourself if there is always that little voice inside of you telling you you’re not enough.
Release Perfectionism
So the things you need to work on in order to change this and to change that relationship with yourself is that you need to let go of that perfectionism. You need to soften the language. You need to realize this is fear trying to control you and trying to control you in a way to keep you small because that is what fear does best.
Fear tries to keep us small. And it knows exactly how to push your buttons. It knows exactly how to hurt you the best way it can so that you will do what it wants
to.
So there’s many aspects here, but the thing that I want you to walk away from this is very short overview today is that this is this does not have to be your default. And if you are in the habit of relating to yourself like this, I want you to realize that there is something wrong here. There is something wrong here. This is not the way it has to be. You are creating extra stress for yourself.
Shift The Story
And I want you to challenge yourself to shift this narrative and shift this story. Just giving yourself permission to opt out of it and to know that this voice isn’t really you and that you don’t have to listen to it, that alone is going to go a long way. But like I said, if you want to learn more, come and check out my Healed Program and I will give you way more tools on how to do this.
So that is step one, changing your inner dialogue, not letting your inner mean girl run the show.
Step 2: Prioritize You
Step number two, we are going to truly prioritize ourselves. We are going to make us number one, no matter what.
Again, this is one of those concepts. It sounds great in theory. Like of course I will make myself a priority. Like why wouldn’t I do that?
Look At Your Actions
But when it comes to practice, this is where you can see where somebody is actually doing it versus somebody who is not. For example, it is very easy for anyone in a dating world to say, I am looking for an amazing partner and an amazing relationship.
But when it comes to actually dating people, many people that in potential suitors that aren’t actually up to their standards, we know what we want in a relationship. But then when it comes down to it, when we get into the phase of actually meeting somebody and getting to know somebody, our insecurity starts to run the show. So we become way more concerned about what they think about us.
We start to change ourselves in subtle ways so that they’ll like us more. And we basically start to self abandon. Sometimes before we’ve even gone on a single date with this person, I have seen this happen with my own two eyes.
I have had friends that mentally started to move in with a person that they have only been texting online.
Don’t Give Your Power Away
So we can do this to ourselves. The other person doesn’t really have anything to do with it sometimes. And sometimes they do.
Sometimes there’s another dynamic there that’s not played that can make this whole situation worse. But the point that I’m trying to make is that it’s one thing to say that you’re putting yourself first.
But it is another thing to actually make hard decisions, to hold your standards high, to set boundaries, to realize when your boundaries are being crossed and to be brave enough to enforce these things. Many times we think we’re taking care of ourselves, but we are not willing to go that extra mile. We are not willing to reinforce a boundary. We are not willing to walk away from a situation that actually isn’t good for us. Part of us is still thinking that if I just stick around longer and if I smile more and if I try harder, then this person is going to see how amazing I am and they’re going to actually start to become the person I really want them to be.
And of course, that is never how it works.
We cannot change people. We can only allow certain people into our life. And again, if you have a habit of letting people in that don’t really deserve their place at the table, this one is for you.
I know you have good intentions. I know you want better things for yourself, but it comes down to your actions. We cannot just simply tolerate everything from everybody. We cannot do that because that means we are self-abandoning, which means we are not putting ourselves first. But there are other ways we can self-abandon as well, not just through relationships.
Stop Self-Abandoning
We can also self-abandon just through people pleasing in general, maybe overworking ourselves at work. We can also self-abandon through habits like perfectionism, like thinking that we absolutely have to get everything perfect or we will be somehow shunned or rejected. What all of these things have in common is that we are putting our happiness and our approval in the hands of somebody else.
If I try harder, then this person will love me. If I do something, then these people will appreciate me more. If I try harder, then there will be nothing left for anyone to criticize and of course everyone
will have to accept me. And these strategies might have worked for us in the past, which is why it’s so tricky to see how they are harming us.
Because maybe there was that one person that you did this for and they actually did love you and appreciate you. And now you are looking at somebody entirely differently and thinking that if you do the same thing, that they will appreciate you in the same way. And that again, of course, is not how it works.
We’re not going to get into the whole people pleasing, anxious attachment style mentality today, but just know this, that all of these behaviors have something in common and that is self-abandonment.
And when you are self-abandoning, of course, you are not making yourself a priority.
Step 2: Set Loving Boundaries
Okay, how to be your own BFF point number three that I wanted to make today. And I’m keeping this episode short, so this will be the final point. But this is the concept of knowing your boundaries and enforcing them.
And I talk about boundaries in a little bit of a different way than other people do. So when we think about boundaries, we think about rules for interaction that we have with other people.
And that is a very important topic.
Again, I also have a whole workshop about this inside of my Heald program if you want to learn more. And of course, that’s a huge component of it. Knowing when you need to put your foot down and say, “I can’t do this with somebody to protect yourself.” That is a huge, we important step.
But I call that level two of boundary work. And the first level of boundary work is actually where most of us should begin if you are not very good with boundaries. And this is all about the boundaries you set for yourself.
So I want you to think about that. Like when you are looking at your life and thinking about self-care, we often think about bubble baths and getting a massage and things like that.
But sometimes we need something a little deeper, like a little bit of structure around certain things in our life. Like structure around how we, how much we look at TikTok, structure around how much money we spend, structure around how much we drink.
I’m not telling you that you need to have boundaries and rules for yourself in all of these areas. They’re just examples.
But this is a way that you can start to work with boundaries and create them for yourself to see how this is ultimately benefiting you. Because the thing about boundary work is not about controlling other people. In fact, it is never about that. It is about creating a safe space for you.
So I want you to come into boundary work from that parenting perspective, that reparenting perspective. If you are a loving parent, if you are the loving overseer of your life, what is the best thing for you? What is the rule that you need to follow in order to create safe space?
So again, you can do this with anything with how much time you spend with people, with how much time you spend on Netflix, with where you spend your money, with how much you drink, how much you eat, whatever.
What Are Your Rules For Life?
So I want you to start to think about that. Think about your rules of life and think about what a loving parenting perspective would be from that and operate from that place.
Again, if you are prioritizing yourself, then you need to create rules for yourself so that you are always operating at your best. I mean, as much as possible.
So those are the three things I want you to think about today. And even if you don’t do any other self-healing work or personal development work on yourself, I think just these three things, shifting your inner relationship with yourself and making your mean girl go away, learning how to actually prioritize yourself, not just talk about it, and learning how to set boundaries for yourself that will actually keep you safe. These three things will help you to shine your light, to feel good, to feel protected in
all situations.
Protect Yourself
This is how every single one of us can create inner peace because you’re not at war with yourself.
You are not self-sabotaging and you are not going over your boundaries constantly because you’re tempted by X, Y, or Z. You have a safe space in yourself that you can come home to any time. It is there for you at any time. That is what I mean about becoming your best friend. So I really hope you take these tips into consideration today and start applying them to your life.
And if you do, let me know how it goes.
Final Thoughts
I would love to see who’s listening to this episode today. So please feel free to take a screenshot of this and tag me on Instagram stories or give me a review on either iTunes or leave me five stars on Spotify. I would super appreciate your help with that. That’s all I’ve got for you this week, my beautiful friend, and I will see you in the next one.
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