What Is A Trauma Response? & Learn How To Cope

Wondering what a trauma response is or how to cope with one?

Trauma responses are something we all have to deal with. Our brains have simply over-adapted to see danger in the world, even though the world we live in isn’t that dangerous at all.

Over the years, our brains have adapted to protect us from life-threatening situations. We learned how to fight off predators, flee from dangerous situations, and freeze until a threat has passed us by. The same systems that used to protect us from predators in the wild are now protecting us from the dangers of our modern world.

A breakup, fight with a friend, or even an intimidating email at work all have the power to make our heart pound and our palms sweat. Basically, our body is acting like it’s being chased by a wild animal–even though it isn’t!

So if you feel a little confused and out of control in these situations, please understand that it’s your primitive brain at fault.

Today, you will learn about all four trauma responses, including the signs to recognize when you’re experiencing them, and the ways to cope with them. This will help you to get control back in these stressful situations so you can go back to feeling like yourself…fast!

What is Trauma?

Trauma is a deeply distressing experience that overwhelms a person’s ability to cope.

When you think of trauma, you typically think of Big-T Trauma: war, accidents, abuse, violence, etc. However, emotional pain and distress can also cause trauma (or small-t trauma).

It’s useful to know that trauma is not one-size-fits all! Some things that are traumatic to one person wouldn’t be traumatic to someone else.

What Is A Trauma Response?

A trauma response is a natural reaction triggered by a perceived threat or overwhelming experience.

Basically, your body and mind are reacting like you are facing a very real threat–even if you’re not. The threat of someone breaking up with you (for example) can trigger a primal abandonment wound. Abandonment feels threatening to our primitive brain, because in the past, humans who were abandoned did face more real-world danger.

The Problems With Trauma Responses

The big problem with being in a trauma response is that your brain literally goes off-line. When your body is getting ready to fight or flight, your prefrontal cortex (the logic and decision making part of your brain) is less activated. All your brain energy is going into priming your body to play dead or run away!

That means you’re more likely to act out of character, say or do things you don’t mean, or miss out on logical opportunities to take yourself out of the current situation.

Furthermore, while trauma responses are normal and natural, many of us get stuck inside of them. When they turn into long-term coping mechanisms, they can cause problems of their own and even bigger problems like anxiety, depression, or stress-related health concerns.

What Triggers a Trauma Response?

Trauma responses responses can happen at the exact moment of the traumatic event, or be triggered again when something reminds you of the event, often unconsciously.

Think: having a big or confusing response to something that doesn’t seem like it should be a big deal.

The Four Trauma Responses & How To Cope With Them

When your nervous system shuts down, it can look like one of the four trauma responses. These responses, known as fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, are triggered in response to perceived threats.

1. The Fight Response (Confront/Attack)

The Fight Response is triggered when you feel the need to protect or defend yourself.

Instead of avoiding a threat, we are ready to jump into action and face it head-on. While normal amounts of assertiveness and self-advocacy are healthy, a fight response can take this urge to the extreme. Think: flying off the handle and verbally attacking someone, punching a wall, etc.

A dominant fight response might be a reaction to the subconscious belief that maintaining power and control over others will lead to the acceptance, love, and safety you need but didn’t get in childhood. It might also be associated with narcissistic behaviors.

Signs of The Fight Response:

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Feeling angry
Yelling or lashing out
Extreme tension in your body
Physical aggression or throwing things
Desire to get the last word/throw insuls

How To Cope With A Fight Trauma Response:

Remove Yourself

It’s important to understand that your fight response wants to take action…right now! To avoid doing or saying something you don’t want to, it’s often best to remove yourself from the situation in order to give your body a chance to calm down.

<‍strong>Move Your Body

The fight response is very active and gives you a temporary burst of energy. Figuring out alternative ways to move the “fight” energy through your body, such as through exercise, can be beneficial.

Shaking

Shaking your body–and I mean literally shaking, any way you like–is an excellent way of “burning off” this excess energy. Go shake things out for a few minutes and then finish it off by taking a few deep belly breaths.

2. The Flight Response (Avoidance)

Just like the fight response, the flight response is an action-oriented response. But instead of fighting back or defending ourselves, we’re focused on getting away as fast as possible.

This response is often characterized by the desire to escape or deny pain, or emotional distress. Some examples: refusing to continue a conversation where you feel threatened, or isolating yourself and avoiding your emotions.

You might have a dominant flight mode response if you had to escape the erratic behavior, unkindness, or abuse of your parents.

Signs Of Flight Trauma Response:

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Self-isolation
Staying busy to avoid difficult feelings
Inability to tolerate conflict in a conversation
Immediately leaving situations where you feel uncomfortable
Perfectionism
“Hiding” out at school, work, a friend’s house
Can even include booking vacations or moving somewhere new!

When dealing with a flight response, it may help to do something that reminds you that you are safe in your body. You may want to try a meditation or grounding exercise to help you stay focused on the present moment.

How To Cope With A Flight Trauma Response:

Take A Physiological Sigh

A quick breathing technique that can help is the the physiological sigh. This involves a deep inhale followed by a short second inhale, both typically through the nose. Follow that with a long, slow exhale, often through the mouth. (Repeat 3 times to up to a minute or more!)

This technique can help lower stress, improve mood, and bring back a sense of calm–fast!

Tell Someone

If you’re feeling super-stressed, try texting a partner or good friend to tell them you’re feeling really stressed out and need a few words of encouragement. There’s something about sharing that energy and then feeling both seen and supported in your state that can be really calming.

3. The Freeze Response (Numbness/Disassociation)

The freeze response takes the feelings of flight one step further. It’s no longer enough to physically remove yourself from the situation. You also feel a deeper urge to disconnect from your own emotions.

This response might make you feel tuned out or leave you wanting to disconnect completely from your environment.

If your dominant response is freeze response, you might develop a mask you use to protect yourself when you can’t identify any means of fighting back or escaping.

Interestingly, the freeze response is our oldest and most well-developed trauma response. (Think animals playing dead to protect themselves from predators!) Some researchers even believe that we always go into the freeze response before going into fight or flight.

Signs Of Freeze Trauma Response:

Feeling a sense of dread
Feeling physically cold or numb
Holding your breath or forgetting to breathe
Dissociation
Fantasizing/mentally escaping
Bed-rotting or zoning out on Netflix etc.
Literally passing out or going immobile
Feeling physically and emotionally disconnected from your surroundings

How To Cope With A Freeze Trauma Response:

Move Your Body

When your body is trying to shut down, movement seems almost impossible. But you want try to “prove” to your brain that you’re safe by doing exactly that.

Start by moving just your fingers or your hands. If you’re lying in bed, do some gentle stretches. If you’re at work, maybe go for a (slow) walk around the block. Bringing your energy and focus back to your body will go a long way.

Box Breathing

Yes, breathwork can help to shift a freeze response too! Try out a simple box breathing exercise: breath in for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Then repeat for a minute or two. This type of gentle breathing will help you to shift your focus back into your body while also soothing your vagus nerve.

4. The Fawn Response (Appeasing)

The fawn response is the final trauma response (although some researchers believe there are up to 7 responses!) Unlike the other three responses, this response is move proactive: you may try to diffuse situations before they even become a threat.

This can take the form of people-pleasing behaviours, and attempting to stop a situation before it has the chance to grow into a conflict.

Physiologically, it might resemble jumping from freeze into fight or flight and back again. Basically, you’re looking to get cues about safety from someone around you.

Although this response may make you feel safe in the moment, it’s not sustainable to always anticipate the needs of other people, and place them before your own. People-pleasing can be harmful and codependency is downright toxic.

This response might develop if you grew up in a home where you had to cater to the needs of your caretakers or perhaps where you had an emotionally explosive, alcoholic, or narcissistic parent.

Signs Of Fawn Trauma Response:

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Apologizing for everything (even when you’re not at fault)
Constantly praise a boss, partner, friend
Inability to say no or set boundaries
Never advocating for what you want or need
Often not even sure what you want or need
Avoiding conflict, even at the expense of your own needs
Prioritizing other people’s feelings to receive their approval

How To Cope With A Fawn Trauma Response:

Differentiate Between You & Them

Keep checking in to notice what you want in any given situation. It’s important to understand the difference between your priorities and the priorities of someone you’re speaking too. (This will get easier with practice!)

Deep-Breathing

Take a seat somewhere and put a hand over your heart. As you take some deep breaths, use this as a mantra: “I am safe. It’s safe for me not to do this/fix this. This isn’t my problem to fix.”

Give Gratitude Instead of Apologies

If you’re experiencing a Fawn Response, it’s helpful to be extra compassionate to yourself. Try to recognize situations where you’re apologizing for things that aren’t your fault, and think about what you can say instead of “sorry.”

Note: Be aware that your trauma response patterns may not fall neatly into one of these four categories.

Many people navigating long-term trauma drift toward more of a hybrid response, such as fawn-flight or flight-freeze. In that case, look up the tools to support both responses so you can use them as needed.

Healing The Nervous System

Although we were focused on how to work with each trauma response, you can do a lot to manage your overall nervous system health by simply using these tips and techniques–even when you’re not currently activated!

Think of nervous system healing like going to the gym: the more “work” you put in, the better your nervous system fitness will be! And therefore, it will be a lot easier to go in and out of trauma responses, instead of getting stuck inside of them.

For more about how to calm your nervous system, read our post here!

Seek Professional Help

If you’ve been stuck inside a trauma response for a long period of time, it might be more difficult for you to come out of it and feel normal again. I definitely recommend seeking out a therapist you can trust in these situations! Also look into therapies like somatic work, or EMDR to truly get into the root cause of the problem.

If you’re ready to start this journey at home in an affordable convenient way, check out BetterHelp!

So tell me: which trauma response is your go-to? What did you learn about that response today? Which techniques are you using to manage it?

You don’t have to go through life with emotions and behaviors that seem out of control! Learning to recognize your trauma responses is an important first step. Any work you do to tame your thoughts and regulate your nervous system will offer immense help.

Always remember, be gentle with yourself! Your body and mind are just trying to protect you. Learning how to soothe yourself

PS Looking for more? You might also want to check out this post about how to regulate your nervous system, or what is polyvagal theory.